Breaking up is never an enjoyable part of the dating game, but sometimes it’s more than necessary. The key though, when you find yourself on the wrong side of a breakup, is making you sure a) don’t have a complete breakdown, b) don’t end up in jail, c) don’t end up in the same situation again. Here are 15 mistakes people make after breaking up, so be sure to avoid them if you really want to be able to move on from this.
Rebounding with a new relationship
After breaking up with your ex, a big part of you is going to miss being in a relationship and you’ll crave the companionship that you once had. However, one of the worst things you can do after getting out of a relationship is rebounding with a new one. Getting into a relationship immediately after ending another doesn’t give you time to heal nor does it give you time to regroup and figure yourself out again.
Trying to maintain a friendship
After a break up, the two of you may feel pressured to try to remain friends. You know a lot about each other and clearly you still care about each others’ well being. However, trying to maintain a friendship after a fresh break up is never a good idea. It puts all sorts of stress on both of you as you try to somehow remain friends but ex-lovers. Work on being friends later on down the line, but right now, focus on healing and focus on you.
Hiding true emotions
After breaking up with a man, you’re bound to feel a rush of emotions. From sadness to anger to confusion to frustration, being emotional after a break up is okay. Emotions only become problematic when you don’t admit to them or allow them to show. Even if you don’t want to be sad or angry, if you bottle these emotions inside, they’ll come out eventually, and most likely in the worst way possible. Admit and acknowledge your emotions, and release them, or else you’ll be even worse off. There’s no need to fake a smile when you aren’t happy.
Throwing everything away
If you were with your ex-boyfriend for a good amount of time, it’s likely that he’s bought you some pretty nice gifts. Though you may want to trash all of these in the heat of the moment, restrain yourself from doing so. That Coach purse he bought you doesn’t belong in the trashcan and that gold diamond necklace he purchased on your anniversary isn’t garbage.
Stalking your ex
Breaking up usually means cutting all contact, which can be really hard to do — and may cause you to go into stalker mode, where you look at your ex’s Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram daily to see what he’s up to and to keep an eye on any new women that he may be talking to. Going into stalker mode will only cause drama and tension.
Break up songs and their lyrics don’t mean too much to us until we’re going through it ourselves. If you’re really looking to heal and move on from this experience, avoid listening to sad break up songs. Have a good cry, and be angry, but don’t blast Adele all day and night, or else you’ll never heal. Put on something more inspiring and uplifting instead and let music help you heal.
Destroying stuff
Some break ups aren’t nice ones, to say the least, and many times when a break up isn’t mutual, one partner is angry. If you’re breaking up because of cheating or some other reason, you may feel inclined to ruin your ex’s clothing and other personal items. Though it’s a good way to vent and let out some frustration, the fact is that destroying someone else’s property is petty and can be considered a crime as well. Box it all up and leave it at that.
Seeking revenge
After a bad break up, revenge can feel like pure bliss, because in the end, you win, right? Wrong. Seeking revenge on your ex by keying his car or posting personal pictures all over the Internet will only make you angrier and even more frustrated. Revenge can lead to all sorts of legal trouble as well. Let your revenge be the fact that by breaking up with you, he lost a great woman.
Begging to be taken back
Any break up can leave someone blindsided, even if things weren’t going extremely well lately. When you really love and care about someone, it can be hard to let them go, and this may lead you to think that you can somehow reconcile and make things okay again. After breaking up, don’t beg this man to take you back or to reconsider. Accept it for what it is and move on the best you can, otherwise you face even more rejection.
Staying in contact
Once a break up decision is made, there is no need for you two to communicate about much at all. Don’t text him later that night asking how he’s feeling and don’t call him the next day asking when you will see him again. Staying in contact only makes healing and moving on that much harder. Even if you have some words that you’d really like to say to him, don’t. If you two need to figure out something important, such as how to figure out a shared lease, ask friends to act as a middleman for communication.
Separating yourself from others
One of the worst things you can do after breaking up with someone is to isolate yourself. This is a point in your life when you need as much support and love as you can get. Don’t separate yourself from friends and family who will more than willingly help you through this tough time. Now is when you need support the most.
Making some drastic decision
Ending a relationship can leave us in a very weird place both mentally and emotionally. After a break up, you may feel the need to do something drastic; something you’ve never done before. Going out and getting a tattoo or chopping all of your hair post-break up may not be the best decision. Skipping town and moving to another state may not be too wise either. Drastic decisions after a break up are often rash and not well-thought out. Hold yourself back until you can really make reasonable choices.
Giving up on relationships altogether
All break ups sting and all break ups hurt. However, there is no need for you to give up on relationships and dating completely. Just because this relationship ended doesn’t mean that the next one will. When you find that guy who was meant to be with you forever, breaking up with ex’s in the past will stand as mere learning opportunities. Don’t let this stop your quest for love.
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